Does Your Child Feel Like a Fraud?
Imagine your child aces a test or gets praised for their artwork, but instead of celebrating, they say, “I just got lucky” or “I don’t think I deserve this.” If this sounds familiar, your child might be experiencing imposter syndrome—a hidden struggle that can hold them back from reaching their full potential.
Imposter syndrome is a persistent belief that one’s success is undeserved, leading to self-doubt and fear of being “exposed” as incompetent. When left unchecked, it can shape and affect a child’s confidence, motivation, and long-term success. Imposter syndrome tends to persist to adulthood where it affects a person’s career choices and personal life. It can also be a doorway to mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety or chronic stress therefore impacting a person’s willingness to take risks and try new things in life.
How do I know my child has imposter syndrome?
- Have a tendency of dismissing their accomplishments such as “I just got lucky” or “anyone could have done it!”
- Excessive self-doubt – frequently questioning their abilities and feeling that they aren’t good enough
- Profound fear of failure – worrying intensely about making mistakes and avoiding challenges due to the fear of not being perfect
- Over preparations – spending a great amount of time studying and practicing to feel prepared even for tasks that are very manageable to them.
- Perfectionism – setting unrealistic high standards for themselves and feeling disappointed even with minor flaws
- Comparing themselves to others – frequently measuring their achievements to others and feeling inadequate in comparison.
- Attributing success to external factors – claiming their good grades were due to an easy test or teacher’s favoritism instead of their own efforts
What Causes Imposter Syndrome in a child?
- High Expectations – When children feel pressure to always perform well, they may believe that failure is not an option.
- Hypercritical parenting – focusing primarily on mistakes and rarely acknowledging positive efforts can cause a child to internalize a sense of inadequacy and fear of failure.
- Excessive praise – although praise is good but constantly being told “you are the best” can create a pressure in a child to maintain unrealistic standard, leading to anxiety when make mistakes.
- Comparison to siblings – constant comparison to a sibling who is perceived more successful or perfect often leads to feeling of not being good enough
The good news? As a parent, you can help your child recognize their worth, reframe their thoughts, and build lasting confidence.
Here’s how.
1. Foster Internal Validation
Teach your child to affirm to his/her own worth, ability and strength and not rely on external praise or fear of failure. Encourage your child to recognize their effort, growth and progress, rather than just the outcome. Train your child to be self-reliant and grounded in the principles and positive foundation planted within them as their guide to navigate growth and success. This shift from seeking external approval to nurturing internal validation is key in overcoming imposter syndrome.
2. Teach healthy feedback handling
Any constructive feedback given to your child should be viewed by them as an opportunity for growth, not as a threat to one’s self-worth. Make sure your feedback is specific, offering information that your child can actually reflect on. For example, “Remember when you thought, getting an A in mathematics was really difficult? Today you got A in mathematics with no trouble.” Such a feedback helps your child to perceive themselves as not frauds but capable of growth in that particular area or field.
Praise the effort and hard work made by your child. Celebrate mistakes with them as an opportunity to learn and grow.
3. Build supportive relationships
Teach your child to engage with supportive peers and role models who encourage and uplift him/her to build up their confidence. Encourage your child to connect with others who share similar interests, as his/hers. This can foster a sense of belonging and counter the feeling of isolation that often accompany imposter syndrome.
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